Category: Weekly Story

The following story discusses one company’s marketing failure related to the pedestrian bridge collapse in Florida. I hesitated before sharing this story. I didn’t want to make light of the tragedy or dishonor the six people who died in Florida. I’ve chosen to proceed with the email because I think it contains a valuable marketing lesson, and that is the point of these emails…******Two days before the pedestrian bridge collapsed at Florida International University, a Colorado-based engineering firm trumpeted its participation in the project by posting a video about it on Twitter and Facebook. Minutes after the bridge collapsed, the company, BDI, deleted all references to the project from its social media and website. Bad move. A local television reporter caught wind of this and called the company. No response. So he posted this on Twitter: “Hi @BDITest. Please contact #9NEWS. We have questions about your decision to scrub any mention of your structural monitoring work on the collapsed bridge as well as questions about local projects.” Before speaking to the reporter, BDI posted a reply-tweet: “We are deeply saddened to hear that the pedestrian bridge has collapsed at #FIU. Our hearts go out to the individuals and families that have been affected by the collapse.” BDI posted the same message at the top of its Twitter and Facebook feeds. I learned about this while vacationing in Colorado. I turned on the 5 p.m. news and the lead story was about BDI and how… …It participated in the project. …It scrubbed its social media of all references about its role in the project. …It didn’t post a condolence message until a reporter (and others) cried foul. …And, finally, it claimed it deleted the posts “out of respect for the victims.” The twitter-sphere wasn’t buying it. Here’s a selection of the posts you’ll find if you search “BDItest” on twitter: “Why did @BDITest delete this tweet after the #FIUBridge #FIUBridgecollapse not good” “Why did you delete this tweet, hmmmmmmmmmm?” (followed by a picture of the deleted tweet). (Before BDI posted the condolence message): “You deleted your post celebrating the bridge that collapsed, but won’t even post a tweet of sympathy for the victims?” And my favorite: “Sorry, you’re not gonna get away from this one, @BDITest. The internet remembers.” Yep, the internet remembers. That’s a lesson for all of us. You can’t hide in the internet age. You can’t erase history. As one tweeter said, “You effed up. Own it!” The irony: BDI most likely had nothing to do with the collapse. It was responsible for safety monitoring when the pre-constructed bridge was transported from the construction site to the campus where it was installed. But BDI neither designed, nor built the bridge. And it was not responsible for safety and monitoring after the transport.  The company might have been able to explain this if it had owned its role in the project. But, instead, it was busy answering why it tried to outsmart the internet that always remembers.  Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time… Tom MarketVolt

I ran across an article the other day about a dumb dude in Michigan who smelled gas coming from his newly installed water heater. He checked for the leak by lighting a match. He shoulda died, but he got off easy… …with singed eyebrows. Mixing fire and gas leak — that wasn’t his first mistake.  Installing the gas heater himself — THAT was his first mistake. Soon after the installation, he smelled that funky odor… …which really isn’t how gas naturally smells. The odor is an additive designed to warn people to…you know…NOT light a match. As soon as that odor hit Dumb Dude’s nose, he had a few options: Option 1: Call a qualified expert to check for the leak and fix it. Option 2: Check for the leak himself by choosing tools that won’t result in death and destruction. Option 3: Check the leak with a match. Options 1 and 2 have pros and cons. Option 3? All cons. A match is simply the wrong tool for the job. Grab a flashlight. Then…after realizing that you have no idea why the heater is leaking (and that it’s unsafe for you to attempt a fix), go for option 1 and call an expert. So it goes with marketing. I know, you’re not going to set your hair on fire, and you’re certainly not going to blow up, if you misstep while marketing. But your marketing can backfire if you choose the wrong tools for the job. For example, email is great for keeping prospects and customers interested and closing sales. But if you send tons of email to people who have never met you (aka SPAM), you can tick people off, generate tons of complaints, damage your brand, and undermine your marketing program. There are better tools to help you make your first connection with leads. Social media is great for building a following and increasing engagement, but not as great at closing sales. And just like fixing a water heater, fixing your marketing sometimes is easier and safer if you engage a qualified expert to help you. Sure, you have to pay the expert. But if you choose the wrong tools or misuse the right ones for your marketing, you waste your precious time (which isn’t free) and you miss opportunities to grow your business. That’s dangerous for your business. Do it too much, and your business may (figuratively) blow up in your face which could (literally) make your head hurt. Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time… Tom MarketVolt

Did you hear the one about the ketchup bottle and the hardcore pornography site?

Whoh! Settle down now. It’s not what you think.

This is a G-rated story that is super-pertinent for anyone marketing a business.

Turns out that the good folks at Heinz sold ketchup bottles in Germany that promoted a contest website.

But after the contest ended a few months later, Heinz failed to renew the website domain.

Dagnabbit (that’s G-rated swearing), some clever pornographers grabbed that domain and pointed it to their own site.

Meanwhile, lots of Germans still had their bottles of Heinz ketchup sitting in the fridge.

So now, instead of sending ketchup fans to a site about condiments, the address led the unsuspecting to a place that was much more saucy.

This was really, really satisfying for the pornographers.

For the Heinz customers? Not so much.

Let’s just say the ketchup bottle aroused…wait for it…

…RAGE!.

So what does this have to do with you?

I’m gonna go PG here now:

Keep track of your sh%&#$!

Maybe the folks at Heinz forgot to renew the contest site domain. Maybe they thought, “Why renew the domain? We ran that contest six months ago?”

Either way they didn’t keep track of their sh%&#$!

They didn’t realize that if you publish a link to a website, you have to assume that link will live somewhere forever, and you better keep track of where it points.

This is no joke. Those of us who manage businesses have websites, landing pages, SSL certificates, software licenses and all sorts of other odds-and-ends that are part of the marketing and operations mix.

I’ve seen businesses held hostage by “domain squatters” who scoop up an expired domain: “Pay me $5,000 to get your domain back or…”

I’ve seen e-commerce sites grind to a halt because their owners forget to renew the SSL certificate that encrypts credit card transactions.

I’ve seen businesses crushed by mistakes similar to the one Heinz made.

This could happen to you.

Here’s the good news: Keeping track of your sh%&#$ is not rocket science. It’s not as hard as developing good business strategies or writing good copy or planning email campaigns.

But keeping track of stuff may not be your thing.

So here’s more good news. It’s not expensive to pay someone to keep track of your sh%&#$.

Establish a system to record all those accounts and renewals that have to be tracked. Delegate to someone who has the time, focus, and willingness to handle this job for you.

You and your customers are counting on you… to keep the pornographers at bay.

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom
MarketVolt

This is the story of how a bottle of foot powder was elected Mayor of a town in Ecuador.

I’m not kidding.

During the 1967 mayoral election in Picoazà (population 4,000), a foot powder company launched an ad campaign with this slogan:

“Vote for any candidate, but if you want well-being and hygiene, vote for Pulvapies.”

On election eve, the company distributed leaflets that looked like official candidate flyers:

“For Mayor: Honorable Pulvapies.”

Well-being and hygiene won the day.

You laugh.

But if you’re serious about marketing, you can learn a lot from Mayor Pulvapies.

I suspect some voters knew the deal when they cast their ballot for Pulvapies. Maybe a vote to protest rotten politicians?

But I bet many voters didn’t realize Pulvapies was powder.

We humans shop with our emotions.

If you promise me well-being and hygeine (read: attractiveness and sex-appeal), you’ll get my attention.

Never mind the sticky questions like “Is the well-being and hygiene candidate flesh-and-bones or just cornstarch and baking soda?”

Many voters don’t bother with the details. They just go for the emotion-triggering headlines.

So it goes when shopping for products and services, too.

Good messaging will trigger buyers’ emotions.

If you choose my product and service you will…

…be more attractive…
…stand out in the crowd…
…avoid embarrassment and humiliation…
…keep danger at bay and sleep safely and soundly at night…
…feel a greater sense of well-being and fulfillment…

…and so on.

Now that I have your attention, let me share the details of my product and service to prove that I can deliver.

That’s the formula for effective messaging: Start with the emotional benefit and follow with the details and proof.

In some cases, people will buy just on emotion and won’t need the details and proof. Right Mayor Pulvapies?

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom
MarketVolt

I recently spent a couple of weeks in New Zealand. Beautiful country.

One of the most memorable things I saw there: Signs illustrating the right way to pooh.

This is not B.S. These signs were as common as fart jokes in a boys locker room.

On the right… a drawing of a person sitting on a toilet. There’s a green checkmark next to that drawing. On the left, a drawing of a person with feet on the toilet seat, squatting over the bowl. That’s a no-no. Big red “X” next to that drawing.

One takeaway: If you’ve seen one toilet, you HAVEN’T seen ‘em all.

You’ve got your “modern” sit-down, flush toilets. You’ve got your primitive, outhouse toilets. And you’ve got your pit toilets.

For those who haven’t had the pleasure: A pit toilet is a big hole in the floor — sometimes with plumbing attached, often without. Spread your feet to shoulder-width. Bend your knees and lower your butt until you’re in position, and then…

(Who needs a thigh-master when you have a pit toilet?)

I tried to imagine what pit-toiletaires must think the first time they see a sit-down toilet…

…Why is the pit elevated?

Or the first time they figure out the operating instructions for that sit-down toilet…

…Wait a minute!? I’m supposed to sit with my bare legs on THAT!?

(Maybe squatting on a toilet rim doesn’t seem so crazy after all.)

Anyhow, the folks who run public bathrooms in New Zealand figured that some of their visitors needed crapping/peeing instructions.

(Common myth: Thomas Crapper invented flush toilets, thus pooh has a synonym in his honor. Not true. Crapper popularized the device that was invented years earlier. “Crap” had already dropped into English slang long before Thomas did his business).

Naturally, there are marketing lessons to digest here…

First, know your market.

If your market is comprised only of sit-down-toiletaires, no need for poohing instructions. But as tourism has grown in New Zealand, and the market has shifted to include pit-toiletaires, new messaging was required.

As your target market shifts, your messaging must shift.

Also, if you want to change behavior or drive action, you must deliver clear, concise, direct messages. Don’t assume your target audience will act without your direction.

That applies to emails, websites, social media posts, letters, telemarketing scripts and…and, of course, toilets.

You must deliver the call-to-action and operating instructions.

So let’s toast the public toilet operators in New Zealand who got it right. Raise your glasses and… bottoms up!

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom
MarketVolt

I hope you had a joyous Groundhog Day! (It was last Tuesday, in case you missed it).

Truth be told, I can live without the holiday.

But I love the movie.

Weatherman Phil Connor (Bill Murray) wakes each morning in Punxsutawney, PA for a Groundhog Day do-over. 

On each of these days, Phil runs into an old high school classmate – Ned Ryerson.

Phil is in no mood to chat. But Ned wants to pitch products.

“Have you ever heard of single-premium life? Because I think that really could be the ticket for you,” Ned says, day after day after day after day…

(Here’s a video clip)

Then on one do-over day, Phil is ready. Before Ned can utter his pitch, Phil levels him with a right hook.

Way to go, Phil!

Like Phil, sometimes I just want to rear back and slug a Ned.

Don’t you?

All of us know some Neds. We meet them at networking events. They cold-call us. They lob unsolicited pitches. They tell us they have “the ticket” for us — when they know nothing about us. 

But I’m NOT writing this to encourage you to slug someone at your next networking event.

I’m writing this to urge you to look inward.

Deep down, we all have an inner-Ned.

Remember that time you pitched products or services to someone without knowing whether they had a need or desire for what you were selling?
That happened because your inner-Ned escaped.

Smart marketing is about connecting you with the RIGHT people — those who want and need what you’re selling.

If you chase someone who doesn’t want or need what you’re pitching, you’re not selling; you’re annoying.

Keep your inner-Ned in his cage. Gather intelligence about your prospects. Focus on those who need what you’re selling. Pass on those who don’t.

You can do this by employing marketing strategies and tactics — such as tracking who engages with your emails — to identify your real prospects.

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom
MarketVolt

Back in high school I had a basketball coach who didn’t win any spelling bees or grammar contests.

Once, after we failed to run the play he called during practice, he stormed onto the court, screaming:

“Jeez, yous guys! Don’t you know the American language!?”

Smart-ass kids that we were, we used to mock Coach for mangling the English language.

All these years later, though, I remember Coach fondly as a good communicator.

Sure, he used small, simple words. Sure he was grammatically challenged. But when Coach spoke, we ALWAYS got the point.

I thought of Coach recently after getting an email pitch from a sales guy who wanted me to advertise in his magazine.

Here’s how the pitch began:

“(Our magazine) has been an apex platform reaching out to 45,000 qualified subscribers in the U.S, offering a renewed aspect in understanding the latest innovations and technologies in the Education industry. Following a peer learning approach, (our magazine) spearheads in highlighting education industry’s latest trends and technologies, and brings forth the ideas and unique offerings of market leaders to assist education experts in establishing institutions alike.”

My first reaction: Jeez, thems some fancy words and big sentences!

My next reaction: What in the hell is he talking about? (Pardon my American).

I’m sorry to pick on this poor guy.

His note was only the latest among gazillions of rotten emails I have received. I just happened to open his as I was preparing to dream up a new weekly email.

This guy’s not unique. Rotten, overwritten, lingo-laden copy litters emails, websites, social media posts, letters, brochures, broadcast advertisements and every other form of marketing content on earth.

It’s always been like that.

And here’s what makes the problem worse: Bad copywriters think they’re good copywriters because they learned how to “write well” in school.

Forget about it. Forget about those grammar lessons. Forget about those complex sentences. Wipe from your memory the difference between a gerund and a participle. None of that helps you write good marketing copy.

Here’s the bottom line: If you want to write smart, effective marketing copy, quit trying to sound so smart.

Drop the fancy phrases and latest lingo. Don’t tell me you have an “apex platform.” Don’t tell me you offer a “renewed aspect.” Don’t say you “spearhead in highlighting…”

Just spit it out. Clearly. Concisely. Without clutter. Keep it simple…

…So anyone who understands the American language will ALWAYS get the point.

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom

I’m not a surgeon. And I don’t play one on TV. But I know this much:

If you’re operating on ONE patient, and THREE people die, you’ve botched the job.

That really happened — to Dr. Robert Liston, who was famous in the 19th century for being the fastest surgeon around.

In those days, before anesthesia, patients sought surgeons who were all about: The faster, the better.

Think about it: You have to lie wide wide awake on a cold slab, no soothing drugs coursing through your veins…

…while a guy in a white smock is slicing you open or sawing off a limb.

I’d be thinking,

“…HURRY UP!”

So haste was not the real problem with Doc Liston.

Ego was.

Dr. Liston was a show-off. He filled his operating room with spectators. He would burst into the room and say, “Time me, gentlemen.” And then, with a flourish, he would get to it.

One time, he accidentally sliced off a patient’s privates while amputating a leg.

But that was nothing compared to the three-in-one butchery…

While cutting through a patient’s leg, Doc accidentally sliced off his assistant’s fingers.

Then, while changing instruments, he accidentally sliced through a spectator’s coat.

The spectator wasn’t wounded, but he thought he was. He freaked out and died of shock.

The fingerless assistant died from infections.

The patient didn’t make it either.

One patient up, three innocent people down.

If only Doc Liston had focused more on the desired outcome and less on showing off.

So it goes with marketing — especially with social media and other content.

It’s not about you and how important, brilliant or accomplished you are.

It’s about your followers, and how they’ll benefit from interacting with you.

Your content has to educate, entertain and inform your followers. That applies to social media, email, your website or any other content you share. 

Too much content is…

…Look at us…

…We’re so special…

…Here’s our great stuff…

…You should buy it…

That stuff is great if you’re out to stroke your ego.

Not so great if you’re out to serve your followers.

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom

Here’s what McDonald’s CEO Don Thompson said when describing bubblegum-flavored broccoli that the company developed a few years ago:

“It wasn’t all that.”

Huh!?

Put yourself in the shoes of those poor kids who tasted this Frankenstein “food.” Imagine what you might have said if you sampled the stuff. 

It’s gotta be more (lots more) than, “It wasn’t all that.”

Bubblegum-flavored broccoli is not some Wonka-esque fantasy.

McDonald’s wanted (aka was pressured) to offer more nutritious vittles.

So they conjured up broccoli-shaped bubblegum — check that…I mean…bubblegum-flavored broccoli. 

The concoction “confused” kids who tried it.

So said the CEO who seems prone to understatement. 

Lotta lessons to draw from this story.

Lesson one: Bubblegum flavor belongs in just one place — bubblegum.

Lesson two: Broccoli should taste like broccoli…or maybe…

…like soy sauce.

Lesson number three (the one you should heed if you’re a marketer): Test your stuff before you bring it to market.

McDonald’s got this part right. So this story has a happy ending.

They tested the broccoli before trying to sell it.

Bubblegum-flavored broccoli failed the test (another understatement!).

So McDonald’s scrapped the idea.

Aside from tainting the taste-buds of some juvenile testers, McDonald’s limited the damage.

All businesses, including yours, come up with bad ideas. 

Smart businesses test ideas.

Roll with ideas that pass the test.

Scrap ideas that fail.  

This applies to big ideas (a new product or service).

This applies to small ideas (a subject line for an email). 

The more you test, the smarter you and your business will be. 

Thanks for reading. If you have some feedback, let ‘er rip.

Until next time…

Tom

P.S.

MarketVolt recently introduced some really cool tools to split-test subject lines, “from…” names, and send times. If you’re already a MarketVolt client, contact support@marketvolt.com (or your account rep) for info on the feature. If you’re not a client, you can sign up for a free software demo here: https://www.marketvolt.com/email-software/#demo

Also…we have a team of marketing experts who can plan, set-up and execute your email campaigns for you. Of course, as part of that, we would design strategies and tactics to test tactics. Roll with the ones that work. Scrap the ones that don’t. If you want to learn more, email tom@marketvolt.com.

Later this year, I’ll be hosting some free online training sessions to reveal best email marketing practices, including strategies and tactics for testing. Stay tuned to these emails where we’ll announce dates and times soon.