Month: January 2019

Here in St. Louis, MO it’s cold today. Really cold.

It’s also cold in Washington, D.C. where President Trump tweeted this yesterday:

“In the beautiful Midwest, windchill temperatures are reaching minus 60 degrees, the coldest ever recorded. In coming days, expected to get even colder. People can’t last outside even for minutes. What the hell is going on with Global Waming? Please come back fast, we need you!”

A few minutes later, the federal National Oceanic and Atmospheric Agency tweeted, “Winter storms don’t prove that global warming isn’t happening.”

When asked by media about the tweet, NOAA officials insisted they weren’t responding to the President.

Whatever.

Note: I’m not here to judge Donald Trump’s presidency or to referee the climate change debate.

But when someone says…

“It’s really cold today so… global warming ain’t real.”

…I gotta call that out as funky logic.

Funky logic is widespread — not just among politicians (on both sides of the aisle).

I’m neither a political pundit, nor an atmospheric scientist. I’m a marketer. So my concern is with the epidemic of funky logic in my field.

Just this morning, I got this dose:

“I tried a Google Adwords campaign for my business that didn’t work so… search advertising is a waste of money.” That’s funky logic.

I suggested he analyze the variables. Did he target the right people? Was his message well-crafted? Did he test the message.

Turns out his message could use some work. So maybe search marketing will work for him, after all.

More funky marketing logic:

“No one called after I sent my email newsletter so… email marketing doesn’t work.” That’s funky logic.

“Lots of people liked my post so… I’m killing it with social media.” That’s funky logic.

I could write 500 of these. I’ve heard ’em all. 

But I’ll spare you that misery and get right to the point…

Beware of funky logic in your marketing. Test your assumptions. Look at the variables. Seek help from experts who can help you analyze results and tweak tactics.

When it comes to marketing tactics and strategy, the future of the planet may not be on the line; but the future of your business certainly is.  

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

My friend Richard Terry asked me to help him with some marketing copy. He’d heard one of my presentations recently, and he thought he might benefit from my expertise.

We met earlier today, and here’s what I told him…

…Richard, you don’t need my help.

I was honored he asked. I welcome new business. I came to the meeting with an open mind.

Then he handed me a piece of paper with this…

“Accolade Kitchen and Bath, we improve the value of your home and the quality of your life…by designing and installing functional, spacious and luxurious organized living spaces. Our clients hire us to transform their houses into homes by turning their kitchens into gourmet playgrounds…(and bathrooms) into spa-like retreats.”

That’s good.

I asked him about the journey that led him to this you-don’t-need-my-help marketing copy.

“People ask me, ‘What do you do?’” he explained, “I used to reply, ‘I build kitchens and bathrooms, but…”

I’ll take it from here.

Richard builds kitchens and bathrooms, but that’s not what Richard’s customers are buying.

They’re buying a more elegant valuable house. They’re buying comfort. They’re buying luxury. They’re buying elegant meals with family and friends. They’re buying a dream.

“I build kitchens and bathrooms” doesn’t capture it.

“We improve the value of your home and the quality of your life” does — or, at least begins to.

By the way, Richard also builds closets. But that’s not how he puts it. He says he turns closets into “personal sanctuaries.” And, just in case you’re not tracking with him, he prompts you to “Imagine a peaceful, quiet place for everything:

• a place for your pants, shirts blouses.
• sport coats, suits, ties, belts or scarfs
• and imagine an entire wall, designed just for shoe storage.”

That marketing copy is bound to capture a prospect’s imagination. 

Thanks for reading. 

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

My pal Adam Kreitman and I both write story-driven emails with marketing lessons. Occasionally, we challenge one another by sharing a story that might be a bit strange or saucy or…whatever… and then daring the other to turn it into a meaningful email. 

Adam dropped one of those challenges on me yesterday. His text message read, “Turn this into an email…,” followed by a link to a story on Reddit. 

I knew the challenge would be great when I received this warning after clicking the link: “NSFW Content! NSFW means Not Safe For Work. The content may be inappropriate to view in some situations.” 

I hesitated. But then I thought, “How can I resist?!” I looked over both shoulders and clicked to continue to the story.

Here’s the abridged version (search Reddit if you want to read the entire thing in all its NSFW glory): 

Some dude in Australia takes a bathroom break at work. He’s sitting on the can and has finished his business. But he decides to hang around a bit longer because, as he puts it, he’s being “paid to sh%#&.” 

While surfing the internet on his phone, he feels something strange.

Turns out a giant huntsman spider, also known as a “giant crab spider” (tee-hee) had been lying in the bowl when the dude sat down.

Now the spider, which is about the size of his hand, has hopped from the bowl to…

…well, let’s just say the spider landed on a place where angry arachnids ought not tread. 

Did I mention that huntsman spiders are aggressive and venomous? 

So, paid-to-sh%#&-guy leaps from the can, let’s out a “banshee wail” and knocks the aggressive, venomous, big-as-his-hand spider from his privates. 

In the process, he racks himself. 

Spider dead.

Dude writhing in agony. 

There’s more to the story. But those are the juicy bits. 

Now for some lessons (oh so many). 

The story-teller shared the most obvious one: Look before you sit on the can. 

I would add: That’s especially important if you’re in a place with giant, venomous spiders. 

But I don’t write these emails to share toilet tips. I write them to share marketing tips. So here goes…

This story proves once again that people read their phones just about anywhere — on the can, in bed, in places of worship, while driving, etc. 

I’m not condoning this. I’m just spreading the news. And for marketers, it’s good news. 

Countless surveys have tracked email reading habits. Here are some of the stats that caught my eye over the years: 

• 78% of those surveyed check email in the bathroom. 
• 20% check email at weddings. 
• 15% check email at funerals. 
• 9% check email first thing after intimate relations (you know the word for it; I just can’t say it here because SPAM filters would go crazy). 

The numbers may vary year-to-year. But the story is clear. Some people (lots of people!) are addicted to checking email. 

If you market your business with email, that’s great.

But don’t forget, you’re not alone so you have to make your emails more relevant and entertaining and informative if you want to capture readers’ attention. Readers have short attention spans – especially when they’re doing their business, sitting in a church, or driving. 

If you DON’T market your business with email, why not? These stats, alone, remind us that email remains one of the most relevant and popular communication channels.

People spend tons of time on their phones and computers, in all kinds of places. Their eyes are on their inbox. If your emails are not there, you’re missing a great opportunity. 

So there it is… 

Challenge met, I think. Adam, if you’re reading, how’d I do?

And you, dear reader, what do you think? As always, I welcome comments and feedback. 

Also, if you happened to read this while in the bathroom or at a funeral or in bed, lemme know. We’ll have a good laugh. I promise I won’t say, “Told you so” or tell anyone. 

Thanks for reading. 

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

It’s only January 2, and I just read some marketing wisdom that will make my “Best of 2019” list in 12 months.

A marketing guy at an auto dealership posted to an online marketing forum this question: “What would you suggest I do to get everyone to understand why we use social media?”

The salespeople at the dealership are cranky. They think social media is a waste of time and money. And they’re groaning about it to Marketing Guy.

Marketing Guy needs help replying to the sales folks.

Several people in the forum posted earnest replies about the importance of social media and how to use it to sell cars.

But one person cut to the chase with best-of marketing wisdom: “If you have to ask the internet for why you’re doing social media, then your salespeople are absolutely correct in questioning why you’re doing social media.”

Amen!

The internet is littered with “marketers” who are busy doing stuff with no idea why they’re doing it.

Ask them why they’re doing it, and they shrug…

…or worse yet, they offer answers that have nothing to do with the bottom line.

I was talking with a marketing manager the other day who spends 15 hours a week on social media.

“We’re killing it,” he said.

He then ticked off a bunch of stats about “likes” and “retweets” and “followers” and all those other “metrics.”

I asked, “How many social followers have become customers or referred business?”

He shrugged. “Not sure,” he said, “But I’m sure it’s helping.”

Yeah, he’s sure —  kind of like auto dealership Marketing Guy is sure.

The problem: The salespeople, who spend their time counting revenue, not likes, say it’s not working.

Are the salespeople right? Hard to tell.

All we know is this: Marketing Guy has not yet demonstrated any correlation between the things he measures and the bottom line that salespeople measure.

Until Marketing Guy connects those dots, he’s only guessing when he says his tactics work, and his salespeople are right to wonder.
.

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.