Category: Weekly Story

My friend Richard Terry asked me to help him with some marketing copy. He’d heard one of my presentations recently, and he thought he might benefit from my expertise.

We met earlier today, and here’s what I told him…

…Richard, you don’t need my help.

I was honored he asked. I welcome new business. I came to the meeting with an open mind.

Then he handed me a piece of paper with this…

“Accolade Kitchen and Bath, we improve the value of your home and the quality of your life…by designing and installing functional, spacious and luxurious organized living spaces. Our clients hire us to transform their houses into homes by turning their kitchens into gourmet playgrounds…(and bathrooms) into spa-like retreats.”

That’s good.

I asked him about the journey that led him to this you-don’t-need-my-help marketing copy.

“People ask me, ‘What do you do?’” he explained, “I used to reply, ‘I build kitchens and bathrooms, but…”

I’ll take it from here.

Richard builds kitchens and bathrooms, but that’s not what Richard’s customers are buying.

They’re buying a more elegant valuable house. They’re buying comfort. They’re buying luxury. They’re buying elegant meals with family and friends. They’re buying a dream.

“I build kitchens and bathrooms” doesn’t capture it.

“We improve the value of your home and the quality of your life” does — or, at least begins to.

By the way, Richard also builds closets. But that’s not how he puts it. He says he turns closets into “personal sanctuaries.” And, just in case you’re not tracking with him, he prompts you to “Imagine a peaceful, quiet place for everything:

• a place for your pants, shirts blouses.
• sport coats, suits, ties, belts or scarfs
• and imagine an entire wall, designed just for shoe storage.”

That marketing copy is bound to capture a prospect’s imagination. 

Thanks for reading. 

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

My pal Adam Kreitman and I both write story-driven emails with marketing lessons. Occasionally, we challenge one another by sharing a story that might be a bit strange or saucy or…whatever… and then daring the other to turn it into a meaningful email. 

Adam dropped one of those challenges on me yesterday. His text message read, “Turn this into an email…,” followed by a link to a story on Reddit. 

I knew the challenge would be great when I received this warning after clicking the link: “NSFW Content! NSFW means Not Safe For Work. The content may be inappropriate to view in some situations.” 

I hesitated. But then I thought, “How can I resist?!” I looked over both shoulders and clicked to continue to the story.

Here’s the abridged version (search Reddit if you want to read the entire thing in all its NSFW glory): 

Some dude in Australia takes a bathroom break at work. He’s sitting on the can and has finished his business. But he decides to hang around a bit longer because, as he puts it, he’s being “paid to sh%#&.” 

While surfing the internet on his phone, he feels something strange.

Turns out a giant huntsman spider, also known as a “giant crab spider” (tee-hee) had been lying in the bowl when the dude sat down.

Now the spider, which is about the size of his hand, has hopped from the bowl to…

…well, let’s just say the spider landed on a place where angry arachnids ought not tread. 

Did I mention that huntsman spiders are aggressive and venomous? 

So, paid-to-sh%#&-guy leaps from the can, let’s out a “banshee wail” and knocks the aggressive, venomous, big-as-his-hand spider from his privates. 

In the process, he racks himself. 

Spider dead.

Dude writhing in agony. 

There’s more to the story. But those are the juicy bits. 

Now for some lessons (oh so many). 

The story-teller shared the most obvious one: Look before you sit on the can. 

I would add: That’s especially important if you’re in a place with giant, venomous spiders. 

But I don’t write these emails to share toilet tips. I write them to share marketing tips. So here goes…

This story proves once again that people read their phones just about anywhere — on the can, in bed, in places of worship, while driving, etc. 

I’m not condoning this. I’m just spreading the news. And for marketers, it’s good news. 

Countless surveys have tracked email reading habits. Here are some of the stats that caught my eye over the years: 

• 78% of those surveyed check email in the bathroom. 
• 20% check email at weddings. 
• 15% check email at funerals. 
• 9% check email first thing after intimate relations (you know the word for it; I just can’t say it here because SPAM filters would go crazy). 

The numbers may vary year-to-year. But the story is clear. Some people (lots of people!) are addicted to checking email. 

If you market your business with email, that’s great.

But don’t forget, you’re not alone so you have to make your emails more relevant and entertaining and informative if you want to capture readers’ attention. Readers have short attention spans – especially when they’re doing their business, sitting in a church, or driving. 

If you DON’T market your business with email, why not? These stats, alone, remind us that email remains one of the most relevant and popular communication channels.

People spend tons of time on their phones and computers, in all kinds of places. Their eyes are on their inbox. If your emails are not there, you’re missing a great opportunity. 

So there it is… 

Challenge met, I think. Adam, if you’re reading, how’d I do?

And you, dear reader, what do you think? As always, I welcome comments and feedback. 

Also, if you happened to read this while in the bathroom or at a funeral or in bed, lemme know. We’ll have a good laugh. I promise I won’t say, “Told you so” or tell anyone. 

Thanks for reading. 

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

It’s only January 2, and I just read some marketing wisdom that will make my “Best of 2019” list in 12 months.

A marketing guy at an auto dealership posted to an online marketing forum this question: “What would you suggest I do to get everyone to understand why we use social media?”

The salespeople at the dealership are cranky. They think social media is a waste of time and money. And they’re groaning about it to Marketing Guy.

Marketing Guy needs help replying to the sales folks.

Several people in the forum posted earnest replies about the importance of social media and how to use it to sell cars.

But one person cut to the chase with best-of marketing wisdom: “If you have to ask the internet for why you’re doing social media, then your salespeople are absolutely correct in questioning why you’re doing social media.”

Amen!

The internet is littered with “marketers” who are busy doing stuff with no idea why they’re doing it.

Ask them why they’re doing it, and they shrug…

…or worse yet, they offer answers that have nothing to do with the bottom line.

I was talking with a marketing manager the other day who spends 15 hours a week on social media.

“We’re killing it,” he said.

He then ticked off a bunch of stats about “likes” and “retweets” and “followers” and all those other “metrics.”

I asked, “How many social followers have become customers or referred business?”

He shrugged. “Not sure,” he said, “But I’m sure it’s helping.”

Yeah, he’s sure —  kind of like auto dealership Marketing Guy is sure.

The problem: The salespeople, who spend their time counting revenue, not likes, say it’s not working.

Are the salespeople right? Hard to tell.

All we know is this: Marketing Guy has not yet demonstrated any correlation between the things he measures and the bottom line that salespeople measure.

Until Marketing Guy connects those dots, he’s only guessing when he says his tactics work, and his salespeople are right to wonder.
.

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

One of Saturday Night Live’s most popular advertising parodies almost didn’t make it on the air.

The fake ad was for “Kotex Classic” — feminine pads described as “the original” and “your mother’s pad.”

Some historical context…for the men in the audience or those women too young to remember:

Sanitary pads were much bulkier back in the day. They were held in place with an elastic belt.

In a real magazine ad decades ago, Kotex pitched it’s “New Freedom” pad by touting “No belt. No bulge. No blushes.”

Fast forward to 2002 when the fake ad showed women wearing “Kotex Classic” pads under tight dresses, jeans and swimming suits. Lots of bulk. Big belts.

In the ad, a man (played by a young Tracy Morgan) checks out the women and says with admiration, “Them girls is old school.”

The ad ends with a narrator saying, “Kotex Classic: The next big thing.”

You can watch it here. 

It’s funny…

…if you get the joke.

But the males who dominated the SNL writers table didn’t get it.

So they passed on the parody…

…Until Tiny Fey, SNL’s first female head writer, lobbied for it.

She explained all that stuff I just told you about big, bulky, belted pads. Then the boys got it. And the parody made it on the air.

Tiny Fey tells that story today to demonstrate the need for diversity at the writers’ table.

The boys weren’t maliciously sexist when they rejected a female writer’s pitch, she said. They just didn’t have the perspective and experience to understand why this parody would resonate.

Reminds me of some marketers I know.

Like the marketer who says, “I don’t like getting commercial emails so I’m not going to use email for my business.”

Or the one who says, “Tele-prospecting annoys me so I’m not going to use that tactic.”

You may not like the joke. You may not get the joke.

But that’s not the important thing.

The important thing is this: Will your audience go for it? Will your message (and the channel through which you deliver it) resonate?

To answer, you may need to broaden your perspective. Put yourself in your audience’s shoes. Seek others’ opinions.

Sometimes the funniest jokes and the best marketing ideas fall flat for you — until your perspective broadens.

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

I keep seeing this television ad promoting “Tap to Pay With Visa.”

It touts a feature known as “contactless cards.”

You complete a transaction without sliding or inserting your card. Just tap the card on (or wave it over) a reader. No confirmation necessary. No signature required. Tap and you’re done. Card charged. Purchase completed.

In the ad, pro football player Eli Manning tricks rookie teammate Saquon Barkley to pay for Eli’s stuff.

The ad starts with Saquon showing Eli how easy it is to complete a purchase with Tap to Pay.

Then the scene switches to the grocery store. Eli is holding a bag of groceries. The cashier says, “$18.35”

Eli turns to Saquon and says, “Hey, how do you do that card thingee again? Is it like a wrist move?”

Saquon lays his card on the reader and says, “You just tap and pay.”

The card reader chimes. Card charged. Groceries purchased.

Eli taps Saquon on the shoulder, says, “Thanks, bro,” and strolls away from the checkout counter.

Silly rookie falls for the old tap-to-pay trick.

I think that ad sucks. Here’s why…

I was watching the ad recently with a friend.

His response was not “Ha ha! That’s funny.”

His response was not, “Oooh ah! That’s cool.”

His response was, “That’s scary.”

Hmmmmm. I don’t think Visa was going for “scary.”

Marketers need to consider prospects’ objections when they pitch products.

A widespread objection about contactless cards: They’re a security risk. Many fear that hackers and identity thieves can steal your card info when you walk by.

Contactless cards = unwanted charges.

That concern is so prevalent that businesses sell “secure sleeves” to protect those cards from thieves. Samsonite sells a three-pack at Office Depot for $4.99. Do you think Samsonite would be in this business if the concern was not widespread?

I know Eli manning is not a thief who hacks the rookie’s card.

But the story still stokes fears: Unsuspecting guy accrues charges on his card before he knows what hit him. This wouldn’t have happened if he had to confirm the charge or sign.

Visa was going for “contactless cards = cool and convenient!”

Visa got my friend thinking “contactless cards = unwanted charges.” Scary.

My point is not to rip contactless cards. I actually like the technology and think the security concerns are overblown.

My point is to deliver a marketing lesson. When you’re building a sales story, when you’re pitching a product, consider those objections. The objections may be out of line. That doesn’t mean you disregard them.

You may choose to answer the objections (lots of ways to do this; more on that in another email).

But whatever you do, don’t craft a sales story that fuels and objections and stokes fears.

Scary is good if you’re selling horror movies and Halloween masks. Scary doesn’t cut it for credit card companies.. 

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your sales story so it’s more cool and less scary? We can help you do that. Email tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

Earlier this year, a new luxury shoe store opened in a Santa Monica mall.

The store, called Palessi, invited fashion writers and other influencers to its grand opening.

The fashionistas got first crack at the merchandise.

They paid up to $600 for the shoes…

…and then they celebrated.

One held up a pair and chirped, “I can tell it’s made with high-quality material.”

Another tried on a pair of “gold” high-tops and announced, “I would pay 400, 500. Yeah. People are gonna be like… ‘Uhhh! … where’d you get those? Those are amazing.’”

Then the interviewer revealed the truth…

“These are actually from Payless.”

Yeah…that “Payless.”

The one formerly known as “Payless Shoe Source.”

Fashionista with the $500 gold sneakers couldn’t believe it. “Shut up! Are you serious!? Wait…did I just pay too much?”

We laugh at the foolish fashionistas.

And we applaud Payless for the brilliant marketing gag (Here’s an Adweek article with videos from “Palessi’s” grand opening. Payless plans to turn excerpts into a series of ads that will run during this holiday season.)

But let’s dig a little deeper on that question: “Did I just pay too much?”

Somewhere in Santa Monica or on the Magnificent Mile in Chicago or on 5th Avenue in New York, a real luxury shoe boutique is selling shoes that look much like the ones Palessi was pedaling.

Someone is paying $500 for those shoes. She’ll go to a party next weekend and an admirer will will ask, “Where’d you get those!?”

The fancy-shoe-wearer will answer proudly. She’ll let anyone who’s listening know that she shops at that high-end boutique on that fancy street in that nice part of town.

And she’ll feel really good about herself.

You may call her a snob.

I call her a status-hound.

Here’s the marketing lesson: Self-esteem drives many buying decisions.

For many, status fuels self-esteem.

For others, being “smart” fuels self-esteem.

The real high-end boutique with the $500 shoes delivers status. And for those who want status, $500 is the right price to pay. In fact, the more you pay, the greater the status.

Payless delivers smarts. It’s for the shopper who doesn’t care as much about status. It’s for the shopper who feels better about themselves because they got decent quality, at a great price.

What drives your prospects and customers? A quest for status? A quest for smarts? Other emotional triggers (there are many)?

The more you know about what triggers your prospects and customers, the more effective your marketing, and the stronger your business. 

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

Do you sprinkle salt on your food before tasting it?

If so, Thomas Edison would not have hired you…

…and your marketing might suck.

When interviewing job candidates, Edison would offer them a bowl of soup.

If they salted the soup without first tasting it, Edison would disqualify the candidate.

Edison didn’t want assistants who assumed the soup needed salt or — worse yet — who acted reflexively without thinking.

Edison wanted assistants who acted on evidence.

Test the soup. Add salt only if needed.

Many marketers stumble or fail because they don’t test the soup.

The stumblers act on assumptions, or — worse yet — they act reflexively without thinking.

The best marketers act on evidence.

They measure results. They collect data. They test and compare.

As you market your business, ask, “How will I measure success?”

As you consider strategies and tactics ask, “How can I determine which approach works and which does not.”

Merely asking those questions, can make a huge difference — especially if you act on the evidence.

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

In July 1968, a young sound engineer named Geoff Emerick grew annoyed with his employers and quit his job.

Geoff’s employers muddled through without him.

And fifty years ago this month, they released a double-album…

…with a plain white cover…

…entitled, simply, “The Beatles.”

So, yeah this really happened…

A 22-year-old sound engineer is hanging out at Apple Studios…

…with the most famous band in the galaxy…

…helping to record “The White Album” which was bound to go down as a masterpiece…

…and he walks out.

Really!?!?

But here’s the thing: The Beatles WERE really, really, really annoying to work with in 1968.

Constant bickering.

Endless recording sessions at odd hours.

Countless takes in search of (elusive) perfection.

You know the song “Sexy Sadie?” (If you have a vinyl edition, you’ll find the track on side three, right before the infamous “Helter Skelter.”)

It’s an OK song. Nothing special. It wasn’t on the charts. It’s not on any greatest hits album.

Guess how long it took the Beatles to deliver that three-minute song?

The Answer: 107 takes.

That’s a lot of takes. (Enough takes to drive a sound-engineer bonkers.)

Backtrack to April 1966. The Beatles recorded “Paperback Writer” in two takes.

Two takes was good enough.

The song was a No. 1 single the United States, United Kingdom, Ireland, West Germany, Australia, New Zealand and Norway.

So why did The Beatles exhaust 107 takes to produce Sexy Sadie?

Because they could.

They were through touring. They had more money than Richie Rich. They had time to burn.

They were THE Beatles, for goodness’ sake. So big they could release an album with nothing (except their name) on the cover.

Here’s the lesson for you:

You’re not THOSE Beatles.

You’re not galaxy-famous.

You’re not THAT rich.

You have work to do…

…Just like those lads in April 1966 who were still busy touring and who didn’t have time for 107 takes.

You don’t have time for 107 takes, either. You don’t have time for seven takes.

Knock out that email or blog or social media post or podcast. Get ‘er done in one take, maybe two.

That will be good enough.

Don’t be sloppy.

But don’t be like the 1968 Beatles.

You and your business can’t afford it. And you don’t want to drive everyone around you bonkers!

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

Last month, I told you about conspiracy theorists who tried to “prove” that the moon landings were a hoax. (Here’s that email.)

In that email, I noted that many marketers remind me of the conspiracy theorists. They take a couple of facts and paste them together to create a wacky, inaccurate picture.

A few weeks ago, my friend Randy had a run-in with one such wacky marketer (let’s call her “Wacky”).

She yelled at Randy and nearly fired him. But he got the last laugh. 

Here’s the story…

Randy runs an event management company. Wacky hires Randy’s firm to plan and promote events.

Wacky’s company gets a speaker, buys some pastries and coffee and, with Randy’s help, invites a bunch of prospects to the event.

Wacky wanted 100 people to attend the event.

Sixty people attended.

Two days after the event, Wacky called Randy.

She said: “We spent a lot of money to promote this event.” That’s a fact.

She noted: “We drew far fewer people than we wanted.” That’s also a fact.

She concluded: “This was a massive failure. We can’t do this event again!”

Not so fast, Wacky.

Randy replied calmly: “This event was designed for your sales reps to connect with prospects and get new business. Have you talked to your reps?”

Wacky replied, “No.”

Well…Randy had spoken to the reps.

“The day after the event, one of the reps calls me and tells me he met his entire month’s quota at that one event. He signed up seven people!” Randy said.

Here’s the wacky math:

Big marketing spend
+ 60 attendees
= “Massive failure!”

Here’s the accurate math:

Big marketing spend
+ 60 attendees
+ seven new sales
= Massive success!

Wacky is like so many other marketers who don’t look at the whole picture.

Wacky thinks “Mission accomplished!” if she fills the room. But she doesn’t pay attention to the bottom line — whether the event drove any business.

If Wacky had her way, the company would have scuttled a successful marketing tactic.

Too many marketers think “Mission accomplished” if they collect a bunch of social media likes or email opens or website visits.

Or they think, “This doesn’t work,” if they don’t get as many likes or opens or visits as they expect.

But they don’t pay attention to what happens next.

What have you done to nurture the likers or openers or visitors?

Do the likers or openers or visitors become customers?

Wacky had no plan. She wasn’t even checking to see if any of the event attendees were moving through the sales funnel. 

In other words, after executing the marketing tactic, she was finished. No follow-up plan. No attention to the bottom line, 

Wacky, isn’t it?

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

When I was younger (and lonelier), I wrote a song called “Unrequited Love.”

I wrote it a few weeks after a blind date. I thought the date went well. I called her — several times. Left messages suggesting a second date.

No reply. No more dates. Sad story.

I’m thinking of writing a similar song today. I might call it “Prospect Alone at the Altar.”

This goes back to the email I received last week. In my email to you last week, I wrote about the great cold-call email I received from Ramon who was pitching payroll management software and services. 

I replied to Ramon. Told him I’d like to get together on the phone.

I want to get to know his business. I think there may be a relationship in our future. I might want to purchase his software.

No reply. No second date. Sad story.

I don’t know what happened to Ramon. He may have a valid reason for not following up with me.

So I won’t rip Ramon directly here.

Instead, I’m going to rip marketers, in general.

So many marketers are really good at the first date…

…but they’re lousy at following-up.

Marketers spend big bucks and long hours attracting leads.

They send excellent cold-call emails.

They master the search engines and drive big traffic to their websites.

They create clever ads that draw in prospects.

They collect business cards at trade shows and networking events.

And then what?

Too often, they don’t have a plan to engage prospects who are interested. Too often, they leave prospects alone at the altar.

So before you spend a dime or a minute on attracting new leads, plan how you will…

…follow-up and engage with those who are interested…

…identify who are qualified prospects and who are not…

…close the deal…

…maximize the relationship so you both benefit.

Maybe Ramon had a plan. But I doubt his plan was to ignore a qualified prospect who told him, “Let’s talk.” 

First dates are easy.

After the first date?

It’s up to you to write the happy song.  

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.