Author: Ryan Dolotallas

Last week, my twin children turned 22.

I’m still Dad, but my hardest parenting work is behind me (I think/hope).

That got me thinking about parenting lessons learned. Here’s a big one:

When the kid does something bad, that doesn’t mean the kid is a bad person.

As parents, we need to help our kids understand the distinction.

“I’m not saying you’re bad. I’m saying you behaved badly.”

I thought of this lesson earlier today while meeting with a person responsible for marketing her business.

Her boss doesn’t want her to call it “marketing.”

He calls it “strategic communications.”

The boss has seen lots of bad marketing. He’s seen marketers behave badly.

They indiscriminately pitch without assessing need. They fill your inbox with content that offers little or no value. They use dirty tricks to persuade prospects to buy unneeded products.

From the boss’s perspective, “marketing” is a dirty business.

He’s onto something when he calls it “strategic communications.”

The marketer with whom I met explained the boss’s vision: He wants a deliberate, strategic, value-generating exchange between his company and individual prospects.

Funny, I said. That’s exactly what we recommend when we offer marketing tips.

Develop strategies to discover what’s relevant to your prospects. What do they want and need? How can you provide value?

Send content that includes interesting, informative, valuable information, not just product pitches. Don’t resort to a constant flow of just product pitches.

So to those marketers who do it the other way, the dirty way, I’m not saying you and “marketing” are bad. I’m saying you behaved badly.

Well-behaved marketers are strategic communicators. Good strategic communications is good marketing.

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that — without dirty tricks. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

During a new show broadcast after the Super Bowl on Sunday, CBS television wanted us to believe that a talent-show performer died in a tragic sword swallowing accident.

The idea was to create high drama. Keep us viewers glued to the tube.

I said, “To hell with this,” and I’ll never watch this rotten show again.

It’s called “The World’s Best.” It’s one of those reality talent shows with celebrity judges. CBS has invested big bucks in this thing, and the network premiered the show immediately following the big football game.

One of the contestants was a sword swallower. His trick: Connect a sword to the center of a steel harness. Strap two kegs of beer to the ends of the harness (very heavy). Lift the harness (with the beer keg barbells) over his head. Swallow the sword until the harness bar reaches his mouth. Tilt head back. Hold harness bar on face.

If the keg-laden harness should slip from his face, the kegs will crash to the ground, and the sword will be ripped from its place in his gullet and slice his insides to bits.

It seemed like a decent trick until CBS pulled its rotten trick.

With suspenseful music blaring and the heavy harness teetering on the sword swallower’s face, the scene abruptly shifted. For a split second, it looked like the bar had fallen. We hear the sound of beer kegs crashing against the ground. We hear the man groan. It happens in a flash. And then the screen goes black — as if the guy in the control room screamed, “Go to commercial!!!!!!”

What happened!?! Oh no! It couldn’t be! The horror!

I turned to my wife and said, “This is total bullsh^#&%*t. CBS just pretended that a sword swallower died on its show.”

After three minutes of commercials, the show returned. Now we see the sword swallower back where he was before the “tragedy,” balancing the harness on his face. Dramatic music. All is good. He slowly lifts the harness, pulling the sword from his throat. When the sword is clear, he drops the harness. The kegs crash to the ground (I’ve heard that sound before. Deja vu!). And the sword swallower moans…

…in exhaustion and relief.

What a crock of caca!

It wasn’t the greatest trick, but it had my attention.

Why did CBS resort to dirty tricks to build suspense and keep my attention?

Same question applies to LOTS of marketers.

Why do so many businesses think they need to trick us to get our attention!?

I won’t waste this space with a catalog of stupid marketers tricks.

I’ll simply say this: Compelling content will capture people’s attention. And you can create compelling content without resorting to dirty tricks.  

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that — without dirty tricks. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

Here in St. Louis, MO it’s cold today. Really cold.

It’s also cold in Washington, D.C. where President Trump tweeted this yesterday:

“In the beautiful Midwest, windchill temperatures are reaching minus 60 degrees, the coldest ever recorded. In coming days, expected to get even colder. People can’t last outside even for minutes. What the hell is going on with Global Waming? Please come back fast, we need you!”

A few minutes later, the federal National Oceanic and Atmospheric Agency tweeted, “Winter storms don’t prove that global warming isn’t happening.”

When asked by media about the tweet, NOAA officials insisted they weren’t responding to the President.

Whatever.

Note: I’m not here to judge Donald Trump’s presidency or to referee the climate change debate.

But when someone says…

“It’s really cold today so… global warming ain’t real.”

…I gotta call that out as funky logic.

Funky logic is widespread — not just among politicians (on both sides of the aisle).

I’m neither a political pundit, nor an atmospheric scientist. I’m a marketer. So my concern is with the epidemic of funky logic in my field.

Just this morning, I got this dose:

“I tried a Google Adwords campaign for my business that didn’t work so… search advertising is a waste of money.” That’s funky logic.

I suggested he analyze the variables. Did he target the right people? Was his message well-crafted? Did he test the message.

Turns out his message could use some work. So maybe search marketing will work for him, after all.

More funky marketing logic:

“No one called after I sent my email newsletter so… email marketing doesn’t work.” That’s funky logic.

“Lots of people liked my post so… I’m killing it with social media.” That’s funky logic.

I could write 500 of these. I’ve heard ’em all. 

But I’ll spare you that misery and get right to the point…

Beware of funky logic in your marketing. Test your assumptions. Look at the variables. Seek help from experts who can help you analyze results and tweak tactics.

When it comes to marketing tactics and strategy, the future of the planet may not be on the line; but the future of your business certainly is.  

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

My friend Richard Terry asked me to help him with some marketing copy. He’d heard one of my presentations recently, and he thought he might benefit from my expertise.

We met earlier today, and here’s what I told him…

…Richard, you don’t need my help.

I was honored he asked. I welcome new business. I came to the meeting with an open mind.

Then he handed me a piece of paper with this…

“Accolade Kitchen and Bath, we improve the value of your home and the quality of your life…by designing and installing functional, spacious and luxurious organized living spaces. Our clients hire us to transform their houses into homes by turning their kitchens into gourmet playgrounds…(and bathrooms) into spa-like retreats.”

That’s good.

I asked him about the journey that led him to this you-don’t-need-my-help marketing copy.

“People ask me, ‘What do you do?’” he explained, “I used to reply, ‘I build kitchens and bathrooms, but…”

I’ll take it from here.

Richard builds kitchens and bathrooms, but that’s not what Richard’s customers are buying.

They’re buying a more elegant valuable house. They’re buying comfort. They’re buying luxury. They’re buying elegant meals with family and friends. They’re buying a dream.

“I build kitchens and bathrooms” doesn’t capture it.

“We improve the value of your home and the quality of your life” does — or, at least begins to.

By the way, Richard also builds closets. But that’s not how he puts it. He says he turns closets into “personal sanctuaries.” And, just in case you’re not tracking with him, he prompts you to “Imagine a peaceful, quiet place for everything:

• a place for your pants, shirts blouses.
• sport coats, suits, ties, belts or scarfs
• and imagine an entire wall, designed just for shoe storage.”

That marketing copy is bound to capture a prospect’s imagination. 

Thanks for reading. 

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.

My pal Adam Kreitman and I both write story-driven emails with marketing lessons. Occasionally, we challenge one another by sharing a story that might be a bit strange or saucy or…whatever… and then daring the other to turn it into a meaningful email. 

Adam dropped one of those challenges on me yesterday. His text message read, “Turn this into an email…,” followed by a link to a story on Reddit. 

I knew the challenge would be great when I received this warning after clicking the link: “NSFW Content! NSFW means Not Safe For Work. The content may be inappropriate to view in some situations.” 

I hesitated. But then I thought, “How can I resist?!” I looked over both shoulders and clicked to continue to the story.

Here’s the abridged version (search Reddit if you want to read the entire thing in all its NSFW glory): 

Some dude in Australia takes a bathroom break at work. He’s sitting on the can and has finished his business. But he decides to hang around a bit longer because, as he puts it, he’s being “paid to sh%#&.” 

While surfing the internet on his phone, he feels something strange.

Turns out a giant huntsman spider, also known as a “giant crab spider” (tee-hee) had been lying in the bowl when the dude sat down.

Now the spider, which is about the size of his hand, has hopped from the bowl to…

…well, let’s just say the spider landed on a place where angry arachnids ought not tread. 

Did I mention that huntsman spiders are aggressive and venomous? 

So, paid-to-sh%#&-guy leaps from the can, let’s out a “banshee wail” and knocks the aggressive, venomous, big-as-his-hand spider from his privates. 

In the process, he racks himself. 

Spider dead.

Dude writhing in agony. 

There’s more to the story. But those are the juicy bits. 

Now for some lessons (oh so many). 

The story-teller shared the most obvious one: Look before you sit on the can. 

I would add: That’s especially important if you’re in a place with giant, venomous spiders. 

But I don’t write these emails to share toilet tips. I write them to share marketing tips. So here goes…

This story proves once again that people read their phones just about anywhere — on the can, in bed, in places of worship, while driving, etc. 

I’m not condoning this. I’m just spreading the news. And for marketers, it’s good news. 

Countless surveys have tracked email reading habits. Here are some of the stats that caught my eye over the years: 

• 78% of those surveyed check email in the bathroom. 
• 20% check email at weddings. 
• 15% check email at funerals. 
• 9% check email first thing after intimate relations (you know the word for it; I just can’t say it here because SPAM filters would go crazy). 

The numbers may vary year-to-year. But the story is clear. Some people (lots of people!) are addicted to checking email. 

If you market your business with email, that’s great.

But don’t forget, you’re not alone so you have to make your emails more relevant and entertaining and informative if you want to capture readers’ attention. Readers have short attention spans – especially when they’re doing their business, sitting in a church, or driving. 

If you DON’T market your business with email, why not? These stats, alone, remind us that email remains one of the most relevant and popular communication channels.

People spend tons of time on their phones and computers, in all kinds of places. Their eyes are on their inbox. If your emails are not there, you’re missing a great opportunity. 

So there it is… 

Challenge met, I think. Adam, if you’re reading, how’d I do?

And you, dear reader, what do you think? As always, I welcome comments and feedback. 

Also, if you happened to read this while in the bathroom or at a funeral or in bed, lemme know. We’ll have a good laugh. I promise I won’t say, “Told you so” or tell anyone. 

Thanks for reading. 

Tom
MarketVolt

p.s. Wondering how to improve your marketing content so it resonates with your audience and doesn’t fall flat? We can help you do that. Email me at tom@marketvolt.com to learn how we help businesses tune up their sales stories and marketing content. For no charge and no strings attached, I’ll review a marketing piece or the front page of your website and offer some suggestions. 

p.p.s. If you like these emails, please do me this favor: Forward this to someone who might also enjoy it and encourage them to sign up for future emails on our website at MarketVolt.com.