Author: Ryan Dolotallas

Did you hear the one about the ketchup bottle and the hardcore pornography site?

Whoh! Settle down now. It’s not what you think.

This is a G-rated story that is super-pertinent for anyone marketing a business.

Turns out that the good folks at Heinz sold ketchup bottles in Germany that promoted a contest website.

But after the contest ended a few months later, Heinz failed to renew the website domain.

Dagnabbit (that’s G-rated swearing), some clever pornographers grabbed that domain and pointed it to their own site.

Meanwhile, lots of Germans still had their bottles of Heinz ketchup sitting in the fridge.

So now, instead of sending ketchup fans to a site about condiments, the address led the unsuspecting to a place that was much more saucy.

This was really, really satisfying for the pornographers.

For the Heinz customers? Not so much.

Let’s just say the ketchup bottle aroused…wait for it…

…RAGE!.

So what does this have to do with you?

I’m gonna go PG here now:

Keep track of your sh%&#$!

Maybe the folks at Heinz forgot to renew the contest site domain. Maybe they thought, “Why renew the domain? We ran that contest six months ago?”

Either way they didn’t keep track of their sh%&#$!

They didn’t realize that if you publish a link to a website, you have to assume that link will live somewhere forever, and you better keep track of where it points.

This is no joke. Those of us who manage businesses have websites, landing pages, SSL certificates, software licenses and all sorts of other odds-and-ends that are part of the marketing and operations mix.

I’ve seen businesses held hostage by “domain squatters” who scoop up an expired domain: “Pay me $5,000 to get your domain back or…”

I’ve seen e-commerce sites grind to a halt because their owners forget to renew the SSL certificate that encrypts credit card transactions.

I’ve seen businesses crushed by mistakes similar to the one Heinz made.

This could happen to you.

Here’s the good news: Keeping track of your sh%&#$ is not rocket science. It’s not as hard as developing good business strategies or writing good copy or planning email campaigns.

But keeping track of stuff may not be your thing.

So here’s more good news. It’s not expensive to pay someone to keep track of your sh%&#$.

Establish a system to record all those accounts and renewals that have to be tracked. Delegate to someone who has the time, focus, and willingness to handle this job for you.

You and your customers are counting on you… to keep the pornographers at bay.

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom
MarketVolt

This is the story of how a bottle of foot powder was elected Mayor of a town in Ecuador.

I’m not kidding.

During the 1967 mayoral election in Picoazà (population 4,000), a foot powder company launched an ad campaign with this slogan:

“Vote for any candidate, but if you want well-being and hygiene, vote for Pulvapies.”

On election eve, the company distributed leaflets that looked like official candidate flyers:

“For Mayor: Honorable Pulvapies.”

Well-being and hygiene won the day.

You laugh.

But if you’re serious about marketing, you can learn a lot from Mayor Pulvapies.

I suspect some voters knew the deal when they cast their ballot for Pulvapies. Maybe a vote to protest rotten politicians?

But I bet many voters didn’t realize Pulvapies was powder.

We humans shop with our emotions.

If you promise me well-being and hygeine (read: attractiveness and sex-appeal), you’ll get my attention.

Never mind the sticky questions like “Is the well-being and hygiene candidate flesh-and-bones or just cornstarch and baking soda?”

Many voters don’t bother with the details. They just go for the emotion-triggering headlines.

So it goes when shopping for products and services, too.

Good messaging will trigger buyers’ emotions.

If you choose my product and service you will…

…be more attractive…
…stand out in the crowd…
…avoid embarrassment and humiliation…
…keep danger at bay and sleep safely and soundly at night…
…feel a greater sense of well-being and fulfillment…

…and so on.

Now that I have your attention, let me share the details of my product and service to prove that I can deliver.

That’s the formula for effective messaging: Start with the emotional benefit and follow with the details and proof.

In some cases, people will buy just on emotion and won’t need the details and proof. Right Mayor Pulvapies?

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom
MarketVolt

I recently spent a couple of weeks in New Zealand. Beautiful country.

One of the most memorable things I saw there: Signs illustrating the right way to pooh.

This is not B.S. These signs were as common as fart jokes in a boys locker room.

On the right… a drawing of a person sitting on a toilet. There’s a green checkmark next to that drawing. On the left, a drawing of a person with feet on the toilet seat, squatting over the bowl. That’s a no-no. Big red “X” next to that drawing.

One takeaway: If you’ve seen one toilet, you HAVEN’T seen ‘em all.

You’ve got your “modern” sit-down, flush toilets. You’ve got your primitive, outhouse toilets. And you’ve got your pit toilets.

For those who haven’t had the pleasure: A pit toilet is a big hole in the floor — sometimes with plumbing attached, often without. Spread your feet to shoulder-width. Bend your knees and lower your butt until you’re in position, and then…

(Who needs a thigh-master when you have a pit toilet?)

I tried to imagine what pit-toiletaires must think the first time they see a sit-down toilet…

…Why is the pit elevated?

Or the first time they figure out the operating instructions for that sit-down toilet…

…Wait a minute!? I’m supposed to sit with my bare legs on THAT!?

(Maybe squatting on a toilet rim doesn’t seem so crazy after all.)

Anyhow, the folks who run public bathrooms in New Zealand figured that some of their visitors needed crapping/peeing instructions.

(Common myth: Thomas Crapper invented flush toilets, thus pooh has a synonym in his honor. Not true. Crapper popularized the device that was invented years earlier. “Crap” had already dropped into English slang long before Thomas did his business).

Naturally, there are marketing lessons to digest here…

First, know your market.

If your market is comprised only of sit-down-toiletaires, no need for poohing instructions. But as tourism has grown in New Zealand, and the market has shifted to include pit-toiletaires, new messaging was required.

As your target market shifts, your messaging must shift.

Also, if you want to change behavior or drive action, you must deliver clear, concise, direct messages. Don’t assume your target audience will act without your direction.

That applies to emails, websites, social media posts, letters, telemarketing scripts and…and, of course, toilets.

You must deliver the call-to-action and operating instructions.

So let’s toast the public toilet operators in New Zealand who got it right. Raise your glasses and… bottoms up!

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom
MarketVolt

I hope you had a joyous Groundhog Day! (It was last Tuesday, in case you missed it).

Truth be told, I can live without the holiday.

But I love the movie.

Weatherman Phil Connor (Bill Murray) wakes each morning in Punxsutawney, PA for a Groundhog Day do-over. 

On each of these days, Phil runs into an old high school classmate – Ned Ryerson.

Phil is in no mood to chat. But Ned wants to pitch products.

“Have you ever heard of single-premium life? Because I think that really could be the ticket for you,” Ned says, day after day after day after day…

(Here’s a video clip)

Then on one do-over day, Phil is ready. Before Ned can utter his pitch, Phil levels him with a right hook.

Way to go, Phil!

Like Phil, sometimes I just want to rear back and slug a Ned.

Don’t you?

All of us know some Neds. We meet them at networking events. They cold-call us. They lob unsolicited pitches. They tell us they have “the ticket” for us — when they know nothing about us. 

But I’m NOT writing this to encourage you to slug someone at your next networking event.

I’m writing this to urge you to look inward.

Deep down, we all have an inner-Ned.

Remember that time you pitched products or services to someone without knowing whether they had a need or desire for what you were selling?
That happened because your inner-Ned escaped.

Smart marketing is about connecting you with the RIGHT people — those who want and need what you’re selling.

If you chase someone who doesn’t want or need what you’re pitching, you’re not selling; you’re annoying.

Keep your inner-Ned in his cage. Gather intelligence about your prospects. Focus on those who need what you’re selling. Pass on those who don’t.

You can do this by employing marketing strategies and tactics — such as tracking who engages with your emails — to identify your real prospects.

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom
MarketVolt