Author: Ryan Dolotallas

Back in high school I had a basketball coach who didn’t win any spelling bees or grammar contests.

Once, after we failed to run the play he called during practice, he stormed onto the court, screaming:

“Jeez, yous guys! Don’t you know the American language!?”

Smart-ass kids that we were, we used to mock Coach for mangling the English language.

All these years later, though, I remember Coach fondly as a good communicator.

Sure, he used small, simple words. Sure he was grammatically challenged. But when Coach spoke, we ALWAYS got the point.

I thought of Coach recently after getting an email pitch from a sales guy who wanted me to advertise in his magazine.

Here’s how the pitch began:

“(Our magazine) has been an apex platform reaching out to 45,000 qualified subscribers in the U.S, offering a renewed aspect in understanding the latest innovations and technologies in the Education industry. Following a peer learning approach, (our magazine) spearheads in highlighting education industry’s latest trends and technologies, and brings forth the ideas and unique offerings of market leaders to assist education experts in establishing institutions alike.”

My first reaction: Jeez, thems some fancy words and big sentences!

My next reaction: What in the hell is he talking about? (Pardon my American).

I’m sorry to pick on this poor guy.

His note was only the latest among gazillions of rotten emails I have received. I just happened to open his as I was preparing to dream up a new weekly email.

This guy’s not unique. Rotten, overwritten, lingo-laden copy litters emails, websites, social media posts, letters, brochures, broadcast advertisements and every other form of marketing content on earth.

It’s always been like that.

And here’s what makes the problem worse: Bad copywriters think they’re good copywriters because they learned how to “write well” in school.

Forget about it. Forget about those grammar lessons. Forget about those complex sentences. Wipe from your memory the difference between a gerund and a participle. None of that helps you write good marketing copy.

Here’s the bottom line: If you want to write smart, effective marketing copy, quit trying to sound so smart.

Drop the fancy phrases and latest lingo. Don’t tell me you have an “apex platform.” Don’t tell me you offer a “renewed aspect.” Don’t say you “spearhead in highlighting…”

Just spit it out. Clearly. Concisely. Without clutter. Keep it simple…

…So anyone who understands the American language will ALWAYS get the point.

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom

I’m not a surgeon. And I don’t play one on TV. But I know this much:

If you’re operating on ONE patient, and THREE people die, you’ve botched the job.

That really happened — to Dr. Robert Liston, who was famous in the 19th century for being the fastest surgeon around.

In those days, before anesthesia, patients sought surgeons who were all about: The faster, the better.

Think about it: You have to lie wide wide awake on a cold slab, no soothing drugs coursing through your veins…

…while a guy in a white smock is slicing you open or sawing off a limb.

I’d be thinking,

“…HURRY UP!”

So haste was not the real problem with Doc Liston.

Ego was.

Dr. Liston was a show-off. He filled his operating room with spectators. He would burst into the room and say, “Time me, gentlemen.” And then, with a flourish, he would get to it.

One time, he accidentally sliced off a patient’s privates while amputating a leg.

But that was nothing compared to the three-in-one butchery…

While cutting through a patient’s leg, Doc accidentally sliced off his assistant’s fingers.

Then, while changing instruments, he accidentally sliced through a spectator’s coat.

The spectator wasn’t wounded, but he thought he was. He freaked out and died of shock.

The fingerless assistant died from infections.

The patient didn’t make it either.

One patient up, three innocent people down.

If only Doc Liston had focused more on the desired outcome and less on showing off.

So it goes with marketing — especially with social media and other content.

It’s not about you and how important, brilliant or accomplished you are.

It’s about your followers, and how they’ll benefit from interacting with you.

Your content has to educate, entertain and inform your followers. That applies to social media, email, your website or any other content you share. 

Too much content is…

…Look at us…

…We’re so special…

…Here’s our great stuff…

…You should buy it…

That stuff is great if you’re out to stroke your ego.

Not so great if you’re out to serve your followers.

Thanks for reading (reply with feedback if you want to share some thoughts) and see you next time…

Tom

Here’s what McDonald’s CEO Don Thompson said when describing bubblegum-flavored broccoli that the company developed a few years ago:

“It wasn’t all that.”

Huh!?

Put yourself in the shoes of those poor kids who tasted this Frankenstein “food.” Imagine what you might have said if you sampled the stuff. 

It’s gotta be more (lots more) than, “It wasn’t all that.”

Bubblegum-flavored broccoli is not some Wonka-esque fantasy.

McDonald’s wanted (aka was pressured) to offer more nutritious vittles.

So they conjured up broccoli-shaped bubblegum — check that…I mean…bubblegum-flavored broccoli. 

The concoction “confused” kids who tried it.

So said the CEO who seems prone to understatement. 

Lotta lessons to draw from this story.

Lesson one: Bubblegum flavor belongs in just one place — bubblegum.

Lesson two: Broccoli should taste like broccoli…or maybe…

…like soy sauce.

Lesson number three (the one you should heed if you’re a marketer): Test your stuff before you bring it to market.

McDonald’s got this part right. So this story has a happy ending.

They tested the broccoli before trying to sell it.

Bubblegum-flavored broccoli failed the test (another understatement!).

So McDonald’s scrapped the idea.

Aside from tainting the taste-buds of some juvenile testers, McDonald’s limited the damage.

All businesses, including yours, come up with bad ideas. 

Smart businesses test ideas.

Roll with ideas that pass the test.

Scrap ideas that fail.  

This applies to big ideas (a new product or service).

This applies to small ideas (a subject line for an email). 

The more you test, the smarter you and your business will be. 

Thanks for reading. If you have some feedback, let ‘er rip.

Until next time…

Tom

P.S.

MarketVolt recently introduced some really cool tools to split-test subject lines, “from…” names, and send times. If you’re already a MarketVolt client, contact support@marketvolt.com (or your account rep) for info on the feature. If you’re not a client, you can sign up for a free software demo here: https://www.marketvolt.com/email-software/#demo

Also…we have a team of marketing experts who can plan, set-up and execute your email campaigns for you. Of course, as part of that, we would design strategies and tactics to test tactics. Roll with the ones that work. Scrap the ones that don’t. If you want to learn more, email tom@marketvolt.com.

Later this year, I’ll be hosting some free online training sessions to reveal best email marketing practices, including strategies and tactics for testing. Stay tuned to these emails where we’ll announce dates and times soon.